Does His Voice Matter?

As a foster parent & youth leader, I see the effects of fatherless homes every day. The hard truth is that children are growing up without a father more frequently today than ever before & it shows. Women and young mothers are struggling to be both, mother and father. Nice parent & mean parent. Friend & authority figure. The roles in the home are no longer how they were originally designed to be by the creator of Life.

Let's check out some statistics:

Across America, 2022 data indicates there are approximately 18.3 million children who live without a father in the home, comprising about 1 in 4 US children.

About 80% of single-parent homes are led by single mothers.

Children from single-parent families are twice as likely to suffer from mental health and behavioral problems as those living with married parents.

In one study, 70% of youth in state operated facilities were from single-parent homes.

Children with an actively engaged father perform much better in school, some data shows that they are 33% percent less likely to repeat a class and 43% more likely to get As in school.

In a study of 56 school shootings, only 10 of the shooters (18%) were raised in a stable home with both biological parents. 82% grew up in either an unstable family environment or grew up without both biological parents together. [1]

Children who grow up without an active father figure in their lives are more likely to:

• End up in foster care
• Use drugs
• Become incarcerated
• Drop out of school
• Experience poverty
• Become pregnant/experience an unplanned pregnancy
• Have gang involvement
• Have depression, anxiety, suicide ideation
  & so much more...

I have shared some national statistics and my experience as a foster parent & youth leader. I would now like to share my experience as a nurse working with clients at our pregnancy center. 

The fathers are afraid to speak. 

As I sit down and discuss pregnancy options with a mother or with both the mother and father, there is often a common phrase when the father of the unborn is asked for input.

I calmly look into the father's eyes and say, "What do you think?" Or if he is not present, I ask the mother, "Does the father know? What does he think?"

The answer is almost always, "The father supports whatever decision I choose."

Today, the world will tell us that the choice of an abortion should only be the choice of a woman. If the father wants to be supportive and allow the woman to express her rights, he should remain silent until she makes her pregnancy decision.

In our options discussion, we talk about how this puts so much pressure on the mother to make a life-altering decision alone. Sometimes, fathers do not want to be involved in the decision making process. They want nothing to do with the mother or unborn child. We also see many fathers who choose to support the woman no matter what decision is chosen.

But we never really ask what the father might really want. Does he want to do what it will take and raise this baby with you? Is he willing to get that second job or maybe enter into a committed relationship with you? We will never know if we do not include his input in the decision making process.

In a world that is currently experiencing an epidemic of fatherlessness, it also tells society that fathers have no say in the future of their unborn.

We should hear them when they want to speak.

Did you know that the rates of children in fatherless homes increased when abortion became readily available?

Within a few years of abortion being legalized in the United States, rates of single mother's raising children alone doubled. [2]

This must mean that abortion is not a solution to fatherlessness. 

The Take Home Point

I know I have shared some sad statistics with you.

As I have reflected the past few days on the fatherless generation, I see how the influence of society continues to add to the true problem.

The father of your unborn baby has a voice. Society will tell you that his voice does not matter. That he does not have the right to help you decide how to navigate through an unplanned pregnancy or what pregnancy option to decide. But I bet if you asked him, truly, what he wanted… he would tell you.

I know there are the exceptions here. If you are experiencing the exception, I want you to come to us so WE can help you walk through such a life changing event.

My challenge for you today is to A S K.

Ask him, & when he says, "I support whatever you decide," as he believes he should do, you ask him what he really wants.

I bet you will be surprised about his answer.

Ask. Give him the opportunity to help you decide the future of your life, his life, and the life of your unborn child together.

No matter what decision you make, you will feel more confident knowing that your partner made the decision WITH you instead of you having to make the decision for both.

Is this something you desire but have no idea how to talk to your partner?

Life Line Sampson is here for you. No matter what.

With love,
Nurse Ally

[1] "ISSUE BRIEF: Fatherlessness and its effects on American society," America First Policy Institute, accessed October 19, 2023, https://americafirstpolicy.com/latest/issue-brief-fatherlessness-and-its-effects-on-american-society.
[2] "ISSUE BRIEF: Fatherlessness and its effects on American society," America First Policy Institute, accessed October 19, 2023, https://americafirstpolicy.com/latest/issue-brief-fatherlessness-and-its-effects-on-american-society.

Care Net Study of American Men whose Partner has had an Abortion